20 week bumpdate

i am never very consistent with these, nor do i care to be. but here it is, this time:)

20 weeks!!

baby is the size of a mango

ultrasound said 12 ounces, we think

also, it did NOT tell us boy or girl...

i'm tired. that is about it. 

i like carbs and chicken.

baby is just starting to kick more. not sure i'd really even felt it up until like a week ago. 

well that's it for now, folks.

xoxo, al

From a Couple Days Back...

From a couple days back...

Friday, May 3rd

It has been a while since I blogged. Nearly three weeks. It was really hard not to squeal our big WE GOT KNOCKED UP ON OUR HONEYMOON NEWS. All I could ever think about writing about was the back pain, the extreme fatigue, the pukies, the 3 am emergency yogurts. I anticipated writing this blog today or soon after to share the super news that we are knocked up.

But it turns out, we are not.

I was up bright and early yesterday morning, excited for a warm sunny day spent together, the three of us, with special plans.

We made cinnamon rolls and turkey bacon. I straitened my hair. Hadley put on her "Big Sister" shirt, that she doesn't even know what it says. We rolled out the door, even a few minutes early!

But the moment I saw the little sac on the screen, I knew the baby was missing. Honestly, my first thought was "I knew I should have taken another test before we came in." Which is silly, considering the last pregnancy where I was in denial, and took SO. MANY. PREGNANCY. TESTS. Just to find out there is no such thing as a false positive.

Blighted Ovum.

We fertilized an egg, and the ball got rolling, but very early on, before I ever took that test, that fertilized egg stopped developing and absorbed back into tissue. 

However, my body hasn't figured that out yet. So, while every week, Daddy has been kissing my belly, following growth and development, from a sesame seed, to an apple seed, to a blueberry, to a raspberry and then a green olive, and I have been nauseous, starving at 3am, asking for boneless chicken wings daily, and dragging my feet behind a two year old, and busting out of my jeans, it's been all for nothing.

There is no baby. Just junk I can't use. And have to get rid of. 

So, instead of telling you all we are getting Hadley a sibling this December, I get to tell you all that we are sad and I am fat for no good reason. 

This next Wednesday, my super amazing Dr. will be doing a second ultrasound to be 1000% sure of the diagnosis. 

I already know he is right. When we had our ultrasound with Hadley around 8 weeks, she had four limbs, and I swear even toes and fingers, and danced for us. There won't be anything different in five more days.

After that, I will go in for the minor surgery to remove all that junk. Which, I hear is better than having to go through the process on my own. Though I still struggle to understand that, as a new miscarriager.

I consider myself lucky that I was handed "Blighted Ovum." It always breaks my heart to hear a friend going in and seeing their baby with no heart beat. I probably wouldn't have gotten my butt out of bed today if that had been my experience. Thank goodness for sweet Hadley who took me to the park to play with friends!!

As I look back at what I have written here today, I am at an OK moment. There have been lots of tears. A sleepless night. An outburst over paying money to NOT have a baby. Lots of laying around NOT taking awesome care of my family. I'm sure an hour from now I may want to curl up and die again. But for now, I will go eat some yummy dinner with my loves, and enjoy some sunshine.

XOXO, Al

Potty Training!

 Ok, who's with me in this whole potty training thing? I am exhausted. I am so tired of pottying every half an hour. We started two weeks ago. She started, really. Good job, Hadley! But now, we are in that awkward stage where she's pretty much got the hang of it. Only, since we are using the treat system, she fake pees all the time. 

When I say Hadley's got the hang of this, what I mean is, we haven't had a pee accident in over a week. Number 2's are another story. 

So, the treat system. I want to titrate down, but i'm not really sure how. You see, we are also in the TERRIBLE TWO'S!!!! So, I tried changing the reward to when she wipes herself after pottying. Screams of bloody murder fill the Gilbuena home now. What to do?!?!? 

More about those #2's. Why aren't they making it into the bathroom? What can I do to help Hadley out? I can do treats for success, but I don't think that is the issue. ahhhhhh!!!!!

See that Fisher Price Princess Potty? It plays music and cheers when Hadley pees. And when she doesn't. And in the middle of the night. For long periods of time. It makes me have potty training dreams. It drives me nuts. But how cute is it?! 

Now accepting your potty training tips. Comment below. 

XOXO, Al

Today I Took the Morning After Pill...

That's right, you heard me. This morning I woke up still seeing SO. MUCH. POLITICAL. CRAP. everywhere, that I was forced to pop an Ibuprofen to cope with the "morning after" election drama. What a headache!

Such a loaded topic. And I am so done for now. 

Let's all just be friends again. 

Check out this cute Perfect Party set from Thirty-One. This is a hostess exclusive item I earned during my Debut Party a couple weeks ago. This thermal container holds up to two 9x13 pans so you can take your "Hot Mess" with you to your next party away from home. I love it. It's amazing in person. 

Something to love about Thirty-One: You can personalize most of their products to really make them yours. 

If you ever want to host a party of your own, I will offer you the amazing hostess rewards i received for my own party. I you are within a couple hours of me, I'm on it! if you are further away, I will set you up with another super Thirty-One Consultant. 

If you would like to place an order, my link is over on the right side. just send me a message so i can help you set up a special order. 

Time to get back to my sick little Hadley. Snuggle time, in hopes of a nap before we have to trek out in the cold for her Dr. appointment in a couple hours. 

Sent with much love, from the Gilbuena ladies!

xoxo, Al