Bumpdate? ok!

we made it to 28 weeks! baby g3 is doing so well. thanks for asking.

baby is measuring right on. so she's about 2.5lbs, and 16 inches.

her favorite foods are ice cream, cucumbers with ranch and peanut butter and honey sandwiches.

her favorite activities are quiet time on mommy's left side, doing the dishes and bath time.

as you can tell from the photo, i am oober tired. like two oobers, i think. i have never been more thankful for a weekend, and am ever so happy joseph is actually off tomorrow. i could use the company and help.

my heartburn is awesome. zantac is delish. the back pain is terrible, so much worse than either previous pregnancy. i can't wait to see what it's like over the next 12 weeks!

the snow is finally almost gone here, and it's warming up. i am enjoying no more winter boots, i've worn a skirt once, and i've been outside without a coat on. things are looking good here. 

i am looking forward to my glucose test on monday and our 29 week appointment on thursday. hoping they will schedule another ultrasound, given that our gender ultrasound at 20 weeks was fairly inconclusive. (though we've been referring to baby g3 as a her.)

and now, i am going to fall asleep to the dodger game on tv as we snuggle under the electric blanket, for perhaps one of it's last nights on our bed. come on, spring!

xoxo, al

20 week bumpdate

i am never very consistent with these, nor do i care to be. but here it is, this time:)

20 weeks!!

baby is the size of a mango

ultrasound said 12 ounces, we think

also, it did NOT tell us boy or girl...

i'm tired. that is about it. 

i like carbs and chicken.

baby is just starting to kick more. not sure i'd really even felt it up until like a week ago. 

well that's it for now, folks.

xoxo, al

Hospital bag must haves!

Welp, since we are down to less than four weeks to our due date, I thought I should finally cross off packing our bags from my to do list. 

As for most everything else, I turned to Pinterest for tips. I came across a few great lists and this photo list. 

I would have to say, since we've been to this circus before, there was really nothing earth shattering on any lists. But I like to follow lists, and check them off as I go. Especially when Joseph and maybe even my mom will be checking off items last minute. Like phone chargers, camera bag, etc. 

So, I've got out our matching Thirty-One Gifts duffles and the baby's new Thirty-One Gifts diaper bag (will post photos when I'm all done!) and started putting in the necessities. 

Now I am looking to you! What did you pack that you think I just have to throw in our bags? I love tips. Someone else always thinks of something I wouldn't have. 

I've got a prize for anyone who suggests an item that ends up in our bags! Just leave me a comment!

XOXO, Al

Bumpdate: 36 weeks!

Ok, 36 weeks! Here we are!

Baby weight/length: 6 pounds and is 19 inches long. So they say. 

Size comparison: large cantaloupe. 

Cravings: tea. Hot, iced, green, English breakfast, sleepy time. With honey. Yumm. Brownies. 2% milk, morning star farms products. 

Movement: this chick still can't sit still. She's a wild one. I don't do kick counts. There's no need. 

Worst symptom: heart burn, and peeing 15 times a day. Back pain. Yikes!

Worst part of the week: my dad has been in the hospital with pretty critical circulation and cardiac issues. It's been stressful being across the country and unable to travel home. Hopefully we've patched him up for now. Also, we came down with nasty colds this week. Darn preschool germs!

Best part of the week: since I was just barely getting into my cold, I still got to have my last classroom helper day with Hadley's class. It was my last activity assigned for the school year, and I'm thankful to be done with my commitments now. Hadley and I can just spend some time enjoying the last of her only child time together now. 

Names: we are not sharing our names yet. We are pretty undecided, though there is a short list. Hadley, however, is certain it is Rapunzel Jess. She sure loves "New Girl."

I just had Joseph snag this photo tonight up in our little hallway/stairs with the bad wallpaper. If we owned, it'd be gone! Oh well. We got a shot to share! Even if I look frumpy after two days fighting my cold. 

Looking forward to my mom coming, three weeks today! Then I'm free to go into labor:)

Xoxo, al

bumpdate! 27 weeks!

this is a few days late! 

27 weeks!!

we made it into the third trimester! i'm beat. totally beat. and this cold weather makes it really easy to want to stay home in pajamas, drink coffee, watch the big bang theory, play playdoh, and make beaded jewelry with hadley. 
how big is the baby?
around 2.5 pounds, 16 inches, and the size of cauliflower. at 26 weeks (when i didn't bumpdate) measurements now go head to toe, rather than head to rump. so, we jumped from 9 inches, to 16 this week! 

movement:
same as usual. this chick can't sit still!

food aversions or cravings:
chicken. in most any form. craving a lot of asian, but refraining mostly. pizza would be good any night of the week. like tonight, for example.
maternity clothes:
love leggings and long cozy shirts. also, sweaters, since it is -10 with the wind chill right now. so. cold.

stretch marks:
nothing new

sleep:
same. not well. 

belly button?
still in!

what do i miss?
running and mojitos.

what am i looking forward to?
still selecting a bed for hadley, and the new baby smell. 

what am i not looking forward to?
the subzero temps we are expecting to stick around for the next week.

best advice to other pregnant moms?
take your prenatal vitamins. you should definitely consider healthy meal choices for so many reasons, but if you can get that vitamin down every day, you know for sure your baby is getting what they need to grow strong and healthy, no matter if you have pizza two nights in a row, or forego the salad for extra mac'n'cheese.

you'll notice the wrinkles in the back drop of my photo. we are adjusting things to work with our little basement space for some indoor shoots. it's tricky, to say the least. it's small. will be great for a single model, or a child or two. pretty exciting!! meanwhile, i stole this photo from joseph before we ever got it into lightroom to edit:) 

BUMPDATE!!

25 weeks!!

how big is the baby?
around 2 pounds, 9 inches, and the size of an eggplant.

movement:
is she ever still?? she's up and at 'em early in the morning, crazy after meals, loves when i wash dishes and sit up here at the computer and has one last round before bedtime. then there are occasional kicks all night long.

cravings and aversions:
mexican is her favorite. tacos. also, it wouldn't be unusual to find me eating chocolate pudding at bedtime. i still really hate sweet tea, that i drink like crazy when NOT pregnant.

maternity clothes:
love leggings and long cozy shirts. also really love my new columbia fleece from my bff stephanie. and my new sperry shoes are so so comfy!

stretch marks:
i think they are just the same ones i've had since hadley was taking up space in my belly.

sleep:
not well. between the peeing and the back pain, i'm waking up 4-5 times a night. time to give the good ol' benadryl a shot!

belly button?
it stayed in with hadley, and i am confident my belly button will not fail me this time either!

what do i miss?
i miss energy and mojitos.

what am i looking forward to?
i am really looking forward to choosing a new hadley bed, and returning the crib into newborn stage very soon. also, i have a 31 team meeting tomorrow:)

what am i not looking forward to?
the four loads of laundry waiting for me on our bed downstairs.

best advice to other pregnant moms?
just quit thinking you can operate at 100%, consider 75% good, and don't be afraid to ask for help from your family and friends. (joseph has been carrying the laundry up and down the stairs for weeks, and washing the dishes with me.)

now. here are a few photos joseph took last night while we were goofing around with his new backdrop and our studio lights. fun stuff!! i look a little silly. i promise i'll do better next time. i don't love to be the one getting shot, but even some of these i like.

i'm frumpy in my jammies, but fun anyway. 

xoxo, al

Normal

Well, I guess I am back to normal. I had my two week post op appointment this morning, and everything's a go for trying again. 

But. 

Now that I have faced one miscarriage, I am faced with a reality. The one where 20-25% of all pregnancies result in miscarriages. Dr. DeRosa (or Dr. Rosie, as Hadley sweetly calls him) was sure to point this out again. The first time he told us those statistics (I already knew them) I felt better knowing I was not alone, that miscarriages are an unfortunately common occurrence. But today, it makes me feel depressed. Like, do I have to do this all over again in a few months??

Man, it was great living in a world where this was not a threat to me. I think if there were ever one thing in my life that I actually could change, this would be it. This is not one of those things that could possibly happen for a reason, or make us better people for having experienced this. It's just pointless and heartbreaking. 

Anyway, I am here to say we are all fine. I am still bummed for no December baby, and that I had to live through almost 11 weeks of a first trimester and the awfulness associated with it, just to go back to the beginning and try again. But I think if anyone had to endure this, we were built tough enough for it.

I just want anyone to know, if you have gone through a miscarriage, are going through, or ever go through this in the future, you don't have to mourn alone. I know that if one in every 4 or 5 pregnancies end like this, there are women everywhere I look who have gone through this too. Yet, before I started talking about this, I only knew of one friend who'd had a miscarriage, and only two more shared with me after. I am not saying you HAVE to tell the world about your broken heart, I am just saying it's OK if you want to. I know that without the many, many conversations with a friend before surgery, and a heart to heart with another friend after, I would not have coped so well. 

What's new here with the Gilbuenas otherwise?

Well, my mom is flying in in FOUR DAYS!! And I have so so so much to do. The day after she arrives, Hadley and I will get in the car with her and drive to visit family in MN. I've got to clean my car, inside and out,  shop for and pack all our road trip snacks, buy and wrap the dollar tree presents to open every half an hour along the way, grocery shop for Joseph, so the man can eat while we are away, try to get some shopping done for Hadley's Birthday and get the photo invites done. Oh, and maybe get a couple good shots of her in her birthday tank top to put on those invites! Yikes. Lots to do in four days, especially since we are driving to Indianapolis Sunday for the Indy 500. YIKES.

Just a little something to look forward to! 

I am dying to do a little giveaway here on the blog. With Hadley's birthday less than three weeks away, and mine days later, I think I can come up with something fun to celebrate. And for every new like I will add on a Thirty-one Gifts gift certificate good with only me worth $1 for every new like between today and the 15th.  So, share this blog with your blogger pals, your sister, your daughter, your best friend Stephanie (that is my best friend's name!) and let's get  this party started. 

XOXO, Al

I made it!

I did, I made it. It was a strange, nervous morning, where it was almost a parallel universe. I found myself the one answering a million medical questions instead of asking them! I was lying in bed all drafty under that ugly gown instead of in my scrubs. 

When was the last time I put on scrubs, anyway? I like scrubs. 

We dropped Hadley off to a sweet, drowsy Marcy before 6 this morning. And Hadley only hesitated for a moment before snuggling Marcy right up. 

Joseph and I drove just around the corner, practically, to Toledo Hospital. We were escorted from desk to desk to my little gurney in a corner room, and I was tucked in within a few minutes of walking through the front door. If you ask me, I felt good about every moment. If you ask Joseph, you might get another story! I thought it was smooth, even for them not having orders or an H&P on me. And that took me back to my workin' days too. Nothing more annoying than starting from scratch and trying to get your patient to surgery on time. Yikes!

Well, we met a million care providers all at once, each having a dozen questions, some of them overlapping. I can handle that. I've been one of those million. I bet Joseph thought it was just all craziness!

In my little room, I got an IV started. Just where I suggested (after being asked) and on the first try. And I love a nurse who can do that. My heart swells with love for her Today. It's the small things. They started my fluids and gave me 1 of versed and within seconds I was drunk. As they came to take me away, I screwed up my name. Alice R Linn. No, Alice R Rebecca. Alice R Gilbuena. Third times a charm. 

I got a kiss in the hall, and they stole me away. 

I didn't get to see Dr. DeRosa before I went under, he thought I was scheduled at a surgery center he also works with. And I don't remember seeing him after. But Joseph says they talked. So I assume he showed up and it wasn't one of those Med students who did the dirty work. 

I of course remember putting on the mask before, and nothing until I was in recovery. Smooth. Lucky. Everything went well. I don't have much pain. I don't have much bleeding. I don't have my December baby, but maybe I'll have an April baby instead. 

We were home by 11, making pancakes and bacon, watching Big Bang Theory. Now to soak up what's left of a calm, peaceful, stress free afternoon before my wild child is returned to me. 

A huge thanks to Joseph, my mom, Renee, Marcy and the rest of our friends and family who've been so sweet and supportive over the last 8 days. It makes all the difference to have you all on our side. 

And a special thanks everyone involved in my care today. I started with another Renee, then there was IV nurse, lab tech, there was student with anesthesiology, then two anesthesiologists, two Med students, an OR nurse or 2, and the transporter who wheeled me out to the car. 

But before that, I was in PACU for a couple hours with a nurse who's name I cannot remember, but spent the most time with me, and probably gave me the most TLC of anyone. If tomorrow I learn her name when she is supposedly going to call to check on me, I'll thank her again, by name. 

I hope by sharing my experiences, ladies will know its ok to talk about miscarriage. I know it's a little dark and scary, but it's not taboo. Trust me. It helps. And I hope if there is someone out there in need of a pal who's been in the same boat, she will know she can count on me. If you know someone or are someone who could use a chat, comment or email me! Drop me a note on Facebook, or give me a call. I'm all yours. 

Here's a couple photos for fun. My IV bruise and a few gems Joseph grabbed this morning. 

Sorry for the photo jumble, when using the blogger app, it just does whatever the heck it wants with them. Gotta get me that other paid app if I am going to make it a habit.

XOXO, Al

From a Couple Days Back...

From a couple days back...

Friday, May 3rd

It has been a while since I blogged. Nearly three weeks. It was really hard not to squeal our big WE GOT KNOCKED UP ON OUR HONEYMOON NEWS. All I could ever think about writing about was the back pain, the extreme fatigue, the pukies, the 3 am emergency yogurts. I anticipated writing this blog today or soon after to share the super news that we are knocked up.

But it turns out, we are not.

I was up bright and early yesterday morning, excited for a warm sunny day spent together, the three of us, with special plans.

We made cinnamon rolls and turkey bacon. I straitened my hair. Hadley put on her "Big Sister" shirt, that she doesn't even know what it says. We rolled out the door, even a few minutes early!

But the moment I saw the little sac on the screen, I knew the baby was missing. Honestly, my first thought was "I knew I should have taken another test before we came in." Which is silly, considering the last pregnancy where I was in denial, and took SO. MANY. PREGNANCY. TESTS. Just to find out there is no such thing as a false positive.

Blighted Ovum.

We fertilized an egg, and the ball got rolling, but very early on, before I ever took that test, that fertilized egg stopped developing and absorbed back into tissue. 

However, my body hasn't figured that out yet. So, while every week, Daddy has been kissing my belly, following growth and development, from a sesame seed, to an apple seed, to a blueberry, to a raspberry and then a green olive, and I have been nauseous, starving at 3am, asking for boneless chicken wings daily, and dragging my feet behind a two year old, and busting out of my jeans, it's been all for nothing.

There is no baby. Just junk I can't use. And have to get rid of. 

So, instead of telling you all we are getting Hadley a sibling this December, I get to tell you all that we are sad and I am fat for no good reason. 

This next Wednesday, my super amazing Dr. will be doing a second ultrasound to be 1000% sure of the diagnosis. 

I already know he is right. When we had our ultrasound with Hadley around 8 weeks, she had four limbs, and I swear even toes and fingers, and danced for us. There won't be anything different in five more days.

After that, I will go in for the minor surgery to remove all that junk. Which, I hear is better than having to go through the process on my own. Though I still struggle to understand that, as a new miscarriager.

I consider myself lucky that I was handed "Blighted Ovum." It always breaks my heart to hear a friend going in and seeing their baby with no heart beat. I probably wouldn't have gotten my butt out of bed today if that had been my experience. Thank goodness for sweet Hadley who took me to the park to play with friends!!

As I look back at what I have written here today, I am at an OK moment. There have been lots of tears. A sleepless night. An outburst over paying money to NOT have a baby. Lots of laying around NOT taking awesome care of my family. I'm sure an hour from now I may want to curl up and die again. But for now, I will go eat some yummy dinner with my loves, and enjoy some sunshine.

XOXO, Al